Although relationships in which the woman is the main breadwinner and the husband focuses on caring work still seem to be a relatively rare phenomenon in society, such a situation arises more and more often. Couples approach it in all sorts of ways. Many of them declare that only such a solution allowed them to use their best qualities and act in accordance with their temperament, and that their family life and relationship are thus full of fulfillment.
However, no matter who is providing the greater proceeds to the bank account, one principle remains the same – being fair in relation to the other person. This is what seems to be missing in the report described on the Internet by one of the users of the Reddit forum. “I can’t afford my husband’s lifestyle anymore. And the worst thing is that he lied to me,” he emphasizes in his entry, explaining how it happened.
“We’ve been married for a year. And I thought it couldn’t get any better.”
The thirty-year-old author and her thirty-two-year-old husband have been married for just over a year and – as the woman emphasizes – for a long time it seemed to her that things “could not have turned out better”.
In addition, she is doing well professionally, which translates into good financial conditions. “I earn a really decent amount of money, but my husband always received a little less. It was because of this, and also the fact that he was still living with his parents when we got married, that we decided to move to me after we got married,” she explains.
The division of responsibilities and costs was to be clear.
It was supposed to be a partnership, it turned out a bit differently
“I made a declaration that I would continue to pay the rent and bills until he took care of other necessary things – groceries, random expenses, etc. My name remained the only one on the lease,” he notes.
Initially, this arrangement worked between the young spouses, but at some point the man began to gradually reduce the number of hours worked, not to mention to his partner.
“How did he explain it? He emphasized that since I was earning a lot of money for both of us, he could go part-time and take care of the home. it is fair to me “- he describes.
The man got bored with “home life”
Initially, her husband was actually engaged in housework, but … he quickly got bored of it. “He did a little and then ended up going out to the pub with his friends, playing games and generally relaxing,” he admits. “We finally got to the point where I was both working full-time and cleaning, cooking and doing all the other essentials,” he says sadly.
The cause of this state of affairs did not become apparent until some time later.
He told her that he was looking for a job
It turned out that the author’s husband was released. “He claimed that it happened for reasons completely beyond his control. I got stressed, but I decided that he would start looking for a new job and maybe he would find one that would interest him more” – he notes. In the meantime, the woman began to cover all their expenses. And the savings in their account began to shrink at a dangerous pace.
“Although – as I said – I really earn well, it’s not so good that I would be able to pay my rent, bills, groceries, insurance, save anything and finance the lifestyle my husband started to devote himself to” – he lists. “I started paying for his evenings away from home, giving him money for gas so he could go to job interviews and look for a job. At least I assumed that was what he was doing …” – he explains.
“I don’t think it’s worth it”
At some point, the author decided to check how his recruitment was going. “I asked him what the situation was, and he was confused and began to suggest that he did not think it was worth it, he did not want to go back to work and we live very happily” – quotes her husband.
The woman was shocked.
“I confronted him with the fact that I had been doing literally everything for a long time, both in this house and in the relationship, and he was sitting and playing games. The things I learned made me even more pissed off,” he writes. It turned out that her partner never even started looking for a job and hoped that if she did not have her long enough, his wife would “give up”.
“I was furious that he lied to me and told him I didn’t want him in my house right now,” she says.
“I doubt my entire marriage”
My in-laws also found out about the situation. “They understand to some extent my dissatisfaction, but they absolutely disagree with my decision to get him out of the house temporarily. They think I should take him in until he actually finds a job,” he explains the current situation.
She and her husband are seeing each other on “neutral ground” for the time being. “I’ve stopped paying for anything. His behavior has made me doubt our entire marriage. I’m afraid it was a mistake,” she confides.
“He thinks I’m acting irrational. He says it so often that I’m slowly starting to believe it. But I don’t want to live like this,” he concludes.
And you? How do you share responsibilities and finances in a permanent relationship? You can describe your experiences in a message sent to the e-mail address [email protected]
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