How to quarrel with your partner so as not to break up?

How to quarrel with your partner so as not to break up?

Loud screams, slamming doors or quiet days. Quarrels can destructively affect the relationship, and even result in the breakdown of the partnership relationship. How to confront a loved one to signal a problem without hurting your other half? Psychotherapist Tatiana Mindewicz-Puacz, writer Blanka Lipińska and dancer Edyta Herbuś told about it on Dzień Dobry TVN.

Quarrels in a relationship

Quarrels are an integral part of any relationship. However, it is important to know how to conduct an exchange so that it does not end in a break-up. In emotions you can say a few words too much that will hurt your partner painfully.

Blanka Lipińska has experience in building male-female relationships because she has been in several serious relationships. The writer confessed that she did not like to argue. When it comes to an argument, however, the reconciliation process is a good compensation.

– Without quarrels, there is no reconciliation, so, and here I greet my man, because he surely watches it, that’s why, darling, I’m arguing with you. With us, these are rather arguments. Such arguments that have consequences or days of not speaking are not me at all Blanka said. – I have been going to therapy for 2 years. Once upon a time I was such an Italian woman, I was screaming as if my skin was being peeled off. But now I’m shouting to the center – she added.

Edyta Herbuś is not an advocate of keeping emotions inside. Once she doesn’t like something, she talks about it openly to work with her partner.

I believe that when you argue, you are frantic. I do just that. I have the impression that the argument is that we catch up on all the arrears in expressing things, and that is what is needed. The intention from which we say this is important. Not to hurt the other side and use arguments like this to hurt him as much as possible. Because it is known that this is my beloved after all, I do not want him to suffer. For me, a partner relationship is when you are mature enough and aware that you can extend the perspective from “I” to “we” and understand that the first step is to know and express yourself, but then to hear what the other side has to say. Her arguments, her perspective. By design, men and women see differently. Assuming that my partner will keep saying that I am right is very selfish – emphasized Herbuś.

Quarrels can lead to a crisis in your relationship

What not to do during the exchange of views so that the argument does not escalate to a serious partner conflict?

– Above all remember that an emotion comes and goes. I have not heard of such a case to say in emotion what is said when the emotion goes away – indicated psychotherapist Tatiana Mindewicz-Puacz. – Conversations in emotions look more or less like that the husband asks what is green in the soup, and the wife says that if you don’t like it, you may not eat it. It is not talking to you only about you. There, our projections, fears, what he said about me, what he thought about me, turn on. Maturity in a relationship makes us want to get along. Sometimes we argue, it is emotional, but we only come back to the subject of the conversation when these emotions go down – admitted the expert.

Edyta Herbuś confessed that in one of her accounts, the quarrel led to the end of the relationship.

Unfortunately, I’m not proud of it, but I have had a quarrel that was a break-up. It just turned out that from a certain point to which I was galloping, there was no turning back. I am not saying that it was not the time to break up, but the form that this situation took, today I can say that it is a bit embarrassing. This is not my style and I would have arranged it differently today. Then the amount of emotions accumulated, perhaps not expressed somewhere before, perhaps not confronted, made it there was such a temperature that some things were said and flowed – said the dancer. – But today I have a great relationship and after 5 years of being together, we have a good prognosis to get to the point where my grandmother is after 65 years after being married to my grandfather – she added.

Tatiana Mindewicz-Puacz summed up the conversation. – The most important thing is that when it comes to an argument, to make yourself feel that this is not an argument about the end of the world, that it does not mean that something will change. This sense of security in such a situation is very important. If we love and respect our partner, we have to say: “I love you and I will not leave you until death” – emphasized the psychotherapist.

Haven’t you watched Dzień Dobry TVN on air? You can find the full episodes on the platform Player.pl.

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Main photo source: Mateusz Grochocki / East News

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